Trust in Him

I guess God gave me this song for times like these.  I am sharing it - if I haven't already.

Here is the link:  www.lesliebaptistchurch.com

Go to More and then video/audio images.  Scroll down to the song, "Trust in Him".

Life... Is too short

Well I have to admit that my husband put me up to this. I haven't written since May and really I've had no excuses other than plain laziness. Well - not laziness exactly - I've been up to my neck chasing kids and transporting them from one place to another, changing diapers, and other odds and ends that go along with being a mother. But really - that's no excuse. Donald informed me the other day that I needed to write again. He says he enjoys hearing my "voice" in the things that I write and that one day the girls will love reading about all of their misadventures and what not.

So here goes:

I have to admit that this has not been the best year that the Gerling's have had as a family as of late. I always pictured my family to be perfect. I have the perfect parents, perfect sibling's, perfect husband, and perfect children. We lived in a pretty perfect little bubble that I had created all on my own. You know those things that "other" people have to deal with? Not my family. Of course I would feel exceedingly sorry for my friends when trouble would come to them and their families. I would say a prayer for them and think, "thank God it's not MY family." You see my family is perfectly perfect. Or was...

Tragedy can happen to anyone at even given time. I think the fact that I lived in my "bubble" just made this fact all the harder to understand and comprehend. Bad things DO happen to good people and families suffer heartache everyday. This just happened to be our time.

On October 1st - Donald, me, the girls and maw maw set out to do some apple picking and pumpkin picking at Eckarts. It was a beautiful day and the girls were so excited. We got to Eckarts and began our day. We were mid-way through the day when my mom received the terrible news that Nancy (my sister-in-law) had passed away the night before. Time stood still as we watched the girls with big smiles on their faces enjoying their special day - yet knowing that our little bubble was starting to leak ever so slightly. We watched in the next few days as my brother took control over planning a memorial service for Nancy and trying to figure out how he was going to adjust without his wife. It was very hard to see him have to handle all of things he was doing. Picking out the clothes he wanted her to wear, her jewelry, what kind of urn to buy for her ashes and on and on. We watched him struggle with trying to get on with his life day by day. But he was. Slowly. It really did seem like things were starting to take a turn for the better. After all - even though my bubble was leaking (just a bit) my family was still ultimately in tact. Everyone was getting better. As the month went on I noticed how much my brother interacted with my girls. He would put puzzles together with Sophie, joke with Anna, and wrestle with his best bud, Julia. Oh, how she adored him. On October 31st - exactly 30 days since Nancy had passed - Donald called to tell me that Charlie had not shown up to ride together. I called my dad who in turn went to Gerald to check on him. I can still hear my dad say that when he rounded the corner on the street where my brother lived - he knew something was VERY wrong. On that day my one and only brother passed away in his sleep. As I think back on that time it feels like a dream. Actually it still does. Surely this "thing" did not happen. Surely any minute we will wake up from a terrible dream and everything will go back to the way it was. I would never have envisioned sitting with my parents in the funeral home "planning" a service for my brother (for anyone for that matter). Now I watched as my parents battled with the same things my brother had not more than 30 days before. When were we going to wake up? Unfortunately life does not work this way. God had his reasons for taking my brother from us and no matter how much it hurts or how much we wish it didn't happen - it did. It's been a little over a month since Charlie has passed away and I can only hope that the healing process will begin real soon. I miss his smile, his crazy sense of humor, and his laugh. My girls miss their uncle Char Char and Julia doesn't understand why her favorite buddy no longer comes to visit. Life has a way of showing us that our lives are not perfect. Nothing is. My little "bubble" doesn't exist anymore. It has popped and has left me grasping for anything that will take all of my doubts and worries away. I know that God is in control and that only HE can heal our family, but right now my heart and the hearts of my family are constricted. How do you go on as if nothing has happened? Thanksgiving has passed. Christmas is upon us. God grant us the peace and serenity to get through these trying days and to try to understand the plan that has now been laid before us. The path that we were on has forever been changed. Please show me that this path is a good path - despite the tragic turn of events that led us here to this place and time. Goodbye Charlie. We love you so much and will FOREVER miss you!!!!!