Trust in Him

I guess God gave me this song for times like these.  I am sharing it - if I haven't already.

Here is the link:  www.lesliebaptistchurch.com

Go to More and then video/audio images.  Scroll down to the song, "Trust in Him".

Life... Is too short

Well I have to admit that my husband put me up to this. I haven't written since May and really I've had no excuses other than plain laziness. Well - not laziness exactly - I've been up to my neck chasing kids and transporting them from one place to another, changing diapers, and other odds and ends that go along with being a mother. But really - that's no excuse. Donald informed me the other day that I needed to write again. He says he enjoys hearing my "voice" in the things that I write and that one day the girls will love reading about all of their misadventures and what not.

So here goes:

I have to admit that this has not been the best year that the Gerling's have had as a family as of late. I always pictured my family to be perfect. I have the perfect parents, perfect sibling's, perfect husband, and perfect children. We lived in a pretty perfect little bubble that I had created all on my own. You know those things that "other" people have to deal with? Not my family. Of course I would feel exceedingly sorry for my friends when trouble would come to them and their families. I would say a prayer for them and think, "thank God it's not MY family." You see my family is perfectly perfect. Or was...

Tragedy can happen to anyone at even given time. I think the fact that I lived in my "bubble" just made this fact all the harder to understand and comprehend. Bad things DO happen to good people and families suffer heartache everyday. This just happened to be our time.

On October 1st - Donald, me, the girls and maw maw set out to do some apple picking and pumpkin picking at Eckarts. It was a beautiful day and the girls were so excited. We got to Eckarts and began our day. We were mid-way through the day when my mom received the terrible news that Nancy (my sister-in-law) had passed away the night before. Time stood still as we watched the girls with big smiles on their faces enjoying their special day - yet knowing that our little bubble was starting to leak ever so slightly. We watched in the next few days as my brother took control over planning a memorial service for Nancy and trying to figure out how he was going to adjust without his wife. It was very hard to see him have to handle all of things he was doing. Picking out the clothes he wanted her to wear, her jewelry, what kind of urn to buy for her ashes and on and on. We watched him struggle with trying to get on with his life day by day. But he was. Slowly. It really did seem like things were starting to take a turn for the better. After all - even though my bubble was leaking (just a bit) my family was still ultimately in tact. Everyone was getting better. As the month went on I noticed how much my brother interacted with my girls. He would put puzzles together with Sophie, joke with Anna, and wrestle with his best bud, Julia. Oh, how she adored him. On October 31st - exactly 30 days since Nancy had passed - Donald called to tell me that Charlie had not shown up to ride together. I called my dad who in turn went to Gerald to check on him. I can still hear my dad say that when he rounded the corner on the street where my brother lived - he knew something was VERY wrong. On that day my one and only brother passed away in his sleep. As I think back on that time it feels like a dream. Actually it still does. Surely this "thing" did not happen. Surely any minute we will wake up from a terrible dream and everything will go back to the way it was. I would never have envisioned sitting with my parents in the funeral home "planning" a service for my brother (for anyone for that matter). Now I watched as my parents battled with the same things my brother had not more than 30 days before. When were we going to wake up? Unfortunately life does not work this way. God had his reasons for taking my brother from us and no matter how much it hurts or how much we wish it didn't happen - it did. It's been a little over a month since Charlie has passed away and I can only hope that the healing process will begin real soon. I miss his smile, his crazy sense of humor, and his laugh. My girls miss their uncle Char Char and Julia doesn't understand why her favorite buddy no longer comes to visit. Life has a way of showing us that our lives are not perfect. Nothing is. My little "bubble" doesn't exist anymore. It has popped and has left me grasping for anything that will take all of my doubts and worries away. I know that God is in control and that only HE can heal our family, but right now my heart and the hearts of my family are constricted. How do you go on as if nothing has happened? Thanksgiving has passed. Christmas is upon us. God grant us the peace and serenity to get through these trying days and to try to understand the plan that has now been laid before us. The path that we were on has forever been changed. Please show me that this path is a good path - despite the tragic turn of events that led us here to this place and time. Goodbye Charlie. We love you so much and will FOREVER miss you!!!!!

Spell check!

Yes - I am a teacher. Yes - sometimes I make errors. When looking back over my blogs I have to laugh. I reread my posts and discover the silliest mistakes. When I find one - I actually go back and correct it because I can't stand to have it wrong. So for all of my to, too, and two errors - I apologize! Spell check isn't perfect and neither am I. :)

Blessings!!!!

My heart is so full it might bust! For months I have been surfing a website called "Reece's Rainbow." This website is dedicated to finding homes for children with special needs. Why you might ask? My answer is simple: I don't know. My heart was drawn to this sight by accident. I have been following the story of a little boy with EB named Anton on a blog that I frequent and I clicked a link and BAM - there I was. Well - I scrolled through the photos of all the little children that were there. Each little face screamed for someone to take them home - for someone to love them like they were their own. It literally broke my heart. I cried when I held my OWN children - knowing that I could NEVER in a million years be separated from them - and I could NEVER leave them behind to face the fates that these little kids face everyday. These are the kids that nobody wanted - and that killed me! So... I continued to scroll and then it happened. One little face stood out beyond all others. I stared at the cutest little eyes and felt my heart skip a beat. No. We are not adopting. As much as I would love to say we were - we are not ready in our lives to take such a leap of faith (yet). But boy oh boy was I smitten. I talked about him all the time. I would get online and see if his little face was still there. One day I noticed that someone had added money to his account. Someone else was watching this little angel. I told Donald that God had laid this little boy on my heart and he was doing the same thing with someone else!! Yesterday I got on RR and discovered that he was no longer on the waiting list. He was in the beginning stages of being ADOPTED!!!! I was so excited! He would not be forgotten or committed to an institution - he would be a member of a loving family - a family who had looked at him with the same spark I had! I intend to stay in touch with the family and their journey - that way I may pray that the process goes smoothly and he will be united with his forever family. Please pray that his condition is not too severe so this loving family will be able to bring him home!! God is so good!!

Anna's Piano Recital

This was taken at Anna's latest piano recital! This was the first time she played at the college on a grand piano! What a thrill! I had to laugh when another student before her began to play the same song Anna was going to play - Anna turned to me (with a look of utter disgust) and said, "That's MY song." It made me smile! She played so well and I was so proud of her. When I actually looked at this pictures, I couldn't get over how BIG she looks! Can you believe my Anna will be a 2nd grader next year!!!! No way! Time really does fly when you have kids. The lady next to Anna in the bottom picture is her wonderful piano teacher, Mrs. Knutson. She is such a kind hearted and patient teacher. We are lucky to have her.

The Many Hats of Julia

I have been a bit melancholy lately so I have decided to write a post today that would make my heart sing and my mouth smile - and boy did I ever hit the nail on the head! What could bring such a big smile to my face other than my funny, hat loving, littlest daughter, Julia! Always on the go and always such a busy-body, Julia is her own little person. She loves nothing more than to slap a hat on her head and call her day good! So I have dedicated this post to her and her hats! I call it - The Many Hats of Julia!!! The cowboy hat is by far her favorite - we call her the "little Garth" when she wears it. My favorite was the basket (lol)! She is a riot for sure but when I feel blue - I just look at that sweet face and my heart melts!!

Beware of the DENTIST!

It all started out so simple. We were going for our normal 6th month check-up with out dentist. The girls LOVE going to the dentist and enjoy getting the prizes out of the box when they are done. On this particular day - the bottom fell out. I do have to start by saying that I hate the dentist. I have never had a good experience and I pray every day that my children will not have the troubles that I do. So - we brush regularly and go to our appointments faithfully. So far we had escaped the dreaded "C" word (cavity). So on this day Anna and Sophie went behind the closed doors and had their teeth checked and cleaned. When they both came out I had no idea of what would happen next (neither did Anna). The secretary called me up to the front and told me that Anna had a cavity! Not MY Anna! She couldn't have a cavity! I scheduled the appointment to have it filled and then proceeded to wait for Sophie to come out - just hoping she'd have better news. While I sat and waited I noticed that Anna had gotten very quiet. I looked over at her and tears ran down her pretty little cheeks. The dentist hadn't even TOLD her that she had a cavity - so this was news to her. To say she was devastated would put it mildly. By the time Sophie had come out (cavity free thank God) Anna had placed herself into a full blown depression. She cried and she cried and she cried. Did I mention that she cried??? The whole way home I was forced to listen to her saying things like, "I'm so stupid" and "Why didn't I brush better?" And on and on and on and on. I called the dentist right away to reschedule the appointment for a sooner date because Anna WANTED THAT CAVITY GONE! They were going to make us wait to weeks - until I "politely" informed them that a later date just wouldn't do. I really hope you can sense my sarcasm here. So we got an earlier appointment and Anna went on a scientific exploration to ask anyone and everyone just what did it feel like to have a cavity filled. Once she composed all of her information, she calmed down and let GOD handle her worries. I really, really, really love that kid! We prayed before she went in (they almost didn't let me go in) and they didn't even need to use a needle. All that worry (and $91.00 later) and it only lasted 5 minutes!! So now she is making me brush and floss her teeth myself and hopefully next time there will be no more - but if there is... I can at least be reassured that my drama queen will not be quite so dramatic!!